Archive for Women
When we look in the mirror…Who do we see?
Posted by: | CommentsReflections of our Identity
Before we can go any deeper, we need to know where we are right now!
No matter how old, how young or spiritually mature we are, we need to stop every once and a while to take a look at our self, and our surroundings. We can get so focused on the tasks of our daily routine that we often put our inner spiritual life on auto pilot.
We need times of self-examination.
It can be a little awkward, like being in an unfamiliar mall. We need to come across the sign in the middle of the complex of stores and find the place marked “You are here!”
Ladies, I know we don’t like this. We would sometimes rather not see too clearly. But, the truth is that we are ripe for deception if we do not know the true condition of our souls or our stewardships.
Our marker that we must look to is the Word of Truth, and it is the only mirror we must compare ourselves to. It is also the clear sign that gives us the standard of what our expectations should be.
Unfortunately, the Word of God is not the only mirror in the world we live in. We are in fact in a maze of mirrors every day. It is very much like a funhouse experience where in one mirror we are short and fat, and in another tall and skinny. Depending on which reflection we like, we could walk away very pleased with ourselves, or very disappointed. However if the mirror we choose is not accurate, we will end up greatly deceived.
Some of us are stuck in the image of who we think we are supposed to be rather than the image we were created to reflect. Some of us are looking back at the reflection of wounds inflicted on us by others. Some of us refuse to look at ourselves at all for fear of never measuring up to the standard that has been set for us.
Let’s take a moment to pray, and cleanse our heart that we might see clearly. We turn now to the Word of God and see if we are in need of a little adjustment.
1 Peter 3:1 is our True mirror:
“Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives…”
The deceptive mirror of “control”
This is one of the most damaging reflections that the world has offered women. Our created role is powerful, but not positional. Our influence is not effective in asserting strength…but in submitting obediently, and often sacrificially. The deception of trying to obtain power and authority by “Taking Charge” is seen in many a contentious woman tearing apart her own house with her words and actions.
Every daughter of Eve who is determined to “take matters into her own hands” has often been left holding nothing more than shattered hopes and broken dreams. Fears and frustration begin to drive her to act and react on impulse and emotion, rather than responding in faith and with patience and wisdom. When a woman begins to be a taskmaster in her home, she divides herself from the very things she longs for. She has little chance of being covered and cared for when she positions herself to be the one in charge.
Our True mirror continuing from 1Peter 3:2
“…when they (your husband) observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”
The deceptive mirror of “sexual manipulation”
This reflection is the most common, and is seen almost everywhere. Our society knows that, “sex sells.” The curve of a woman’s body and the soft flow of hair swaying in slow motion have sold everything from cars to dishwashing detergent! Sex sells because there is great power in seduction. In relationships, however, using our sexuality as a weapon is a perversion of our beauty and distortion of our gift.
To “use” or “abuse” our ability (womanly wiles) to get what we want, or withhold sex because we are denied what we want, exposes fear at the heart of our actions. It says plainly that we are not trusting God, or respecting our husband. We are instead revealing we do not fear God or the consequences of manipulation, which is considered a form of witchcraft in God’s sight.
To clarify, witchcraft is using any means to obtain any thing apart from the will and way of God. Witchcraft is a form of rebellion. (1 Samuel 15:33)
For those ladies who are unmarried, understand that God’s desire for purity goes far beyond the visible ramifications of STD’s and pregnancy. Sexuality in our culture has been reduced as a toy for entertainment or as a woman’s determination of value. One young man told his girlfriend quite confidently that he knew of no man who would even consider marrying a girl he had not at least “tried out” once. The statement he made was not nearly as disturbing as the fact his misguided perception is not at all uncommon.
On the other hand, sex within the confines of marriage can be a delightful and satisfying gift! We are free within this boundary to explore and express intimacy that sets apart this relationship from every other. Our union can become a love that sets a friendship afire! Desire is quenched and rekindled as romance is fueled within this protected atmosphere.
Marriages in the “church” may not look much different than those in the world. But those marriages that truly represent the Kingdom of God should reflect the image of His design. Otherwise we profess with our mouths what our actions can not represent. This is double-minded and hypocritical to a watching world.
It is very interesting to me that the more casual we treat sex in our society, the less holy our matrimony. It bears paying attention to.
Wow! I don’t know about you ladies…but I think I am in more need of a little washing with the water of the Word!
1Peter 3:3 “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel…”
The deceptive mirror of “physical perfection”
Let’s make sure we understand what this is not saying… The Lord is not telling us we shouldn’t want to be pretty. Or that we shouldn’t find appropriate and affordable ways to be as attractive as we can. What this is saying is that physical beauty should not be our main focus.
Our world is driving us to obtain what is both impossible, and in the scheme of things unimportant. Some of our deepest insecurities and greatest credit card debts can be traced back to looking into this mirror and buying its image.
So what should be our focus?
1 Peter 3:4 “…rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
Ladies, when I read this my heart melts. I want a gentle and quiet spirit, but I do not always feel I possess one. This is the heart of our message today. If God desires to see my inner beauty shine outwardly through a gentle and quiet spirit…then nothing less than that will do.
I am afraid there is no simple formula to obtain a gentle and quiet spirit other than relying on God’s truth to be worked out in our daily lives. There will be opportune moments to walk out our faith in small but significant ways. Each time we choose to believe by responding appropriately, we allow God to bless our efforts with His favor.
Reflect:
Read the entire portion of 1Peter 3 today and be honest with your own reflection of God’s expectation
Re-mind:
As you pray, allow God to wash you with the water of His word and reveal one or two ways you could practice a gentle a quiet spirit in your home and world today
Relate:
Self-discipline your habits when you become aware of control, or manipulation in your words and actions. And begin to become attune to the hidden beauty within you.
May the Lord bless us with His beauty as we journey with Him this week!
Housekeeper or Homemaker?
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It was a beautiful fall-like morning, the breeze slightly crisp, the dogs excitedly weaving in and out of my legs wanting to be fed and loved on at the same time. I put the coffee on and threw a few remaining dishes from the night before into the dishwasher and thanked God for the marvelous appliances that make life so much easier. Bet even more, was my gratitude for the gift of the love and life I have tended in this home.
These days, I like to start the day fresh and tidy. I wasn’t always like that. I use to live in a certain amount of chaos without too much care or thought about it at all. But I married a guy who needed an organized living space in order to function in peace…so I adapted! At first I struggled with all the housekeeping do’s and don’ts. I felt restricted and scrutinized. I wanted to please my husband, but with three small children, both of us working and with very little time or income between us, it seemed like a losing battle.
I didn’t really understand the point. My upbringing didn’t include a lot of housekeeping skills. I had learned to cook…that was about it. I wanted to be a good wife and mom, and somehow screaming at my kids for dragging out toys I had just put away seemed a little counterproductive. Yet, my husband really seemed to need me to get understanding in this for his own well-being.
It was about this time that I became a Christian and God put a little meaning into this madness; it is simply understanding the difference between purely, “Housekeeping,” and “Homemaking.” (Or the art of making a sanctuary within our home)
As I grew in my own understanding of who I was created to be in Christ, I began discerning the difference between simply cleaning up clutter, and providing an emotional and experiential environment that produced feelings of comfort and encouragement. I learned to create space for living that inspired life! It did not require anything more than I already had to use…and the results were appreciated…if not right away, certainly within time. Our children, now grown, often remembering with fondness their family home and all that it meant to them.
I have been in many dwellings over the years that could have been in a magazine. (One actually was!) They are picture perfect. Not a dust-bunny in sight! Color coordinated and sparkling bright, you feel like you are in a showcase…and sometimes that is exactly what it is. Immaculate, but emasculated, not a manly impression to be found. Some of these poor husbands exist among the floral and fauna, only to escape periodically into the world of football, or whatever seems inviting as they channel-surf. Even worse, are the husbands who are removed from the house altogether to listen to a baseball game in the garage.
The children of these residences are seen in pristine photographs on the walls, but not felt within the rooms themselves. Life, it seems in these places is less lived, and more choreographed. The personality of each child seems hidden beneath accomplishments and activities; even these, only portrayed within the design of the internal landscape.
Although the women who keep these homes are the “Queens of Clean,” they may be completely unaware that their primary role is to be gatekeepers of the sanctuary of their dwelling; making their home a safe place to retreat from the warfare and weariness of the world outside. This is how she contends and cares for her precious family. In this realm, she is to be the guardian, using all that she is, and all that she has, to nurture her family and provide the atmosphere needed to grow individually as well as interpersonally. The confidence and inner well-being that is fostered in healthy families is more precious than gold.
This is mostly a problem of deflection and not entirely a deception. Clean is good. People are messy. We need to be skilled at keeping a clean and organized house, but not as a substitute for relational responsibility. If we only cultivate an immaculate and orderly garden, but do not take the time necessary to nurture the seeds sown there, what is the point? This kind of house could be “staged” to sell, but not lived in well.
This, my sisters, is the highest call of womanhood! This is not simply stating the role of being a wife and mother, though certainly this is a part of who we are. But even deeper still, built into our intrinsic identity, is the creative beauty no HGTV home design show can match! We are uniquely wired for relational remodeling and restoration projects! We are often the only true connection and association between those we know in our sphere of influence. When our bond with others expresses the extension of our God given beauty, we create an environment of hospitality wherever we are. Our own homes should be the basket where the best of our “fruits” are sampled.
We, as women, have an interesting privilege. Yet so many of us have willingly abdicated our position in search of other fulfillments. So we busily attach check marks to tasks and chores at home, in order to hurry up and get into the “real” world where we hope to finally be valued, recognized and appreciated. Our calendars reflect our busy lifestyles, but the contentment with all we do is desperately lacking.
It has taken me many trials and failures to realize the only thing worthy in this world are the precious souls that dwell here. How gracious (or risky) is God who gives us husbands and children on which to practice love and mercy upon! Our response to the gift of our families should be to learn the science of housekeeping only as it benefits the art of homemaking. We do this in hope; in order that through our sometimes sacrificial offering, we may provide a home that is welcoming and inviting… A safe place toinfluence loving and healthy relationships.
Over the course of twenty five years of married life, I have learned that without my husbands’ need for order, I would never have ventured into the realm of homemaking. I would have strived for whatever the worldview told me was valuable. God has used the diversity within each member of our family to teach us all relational skills of conflict and resolution. Without the chaos and clutter of having children, I would never have known the joys of becoming a “Relational Architect” designing…and often re-designing the portrait of a family.
Being a Homemaker is more than being a wife. It is more than being a mother. It is the mantle worn by all godly women who know their position and who walk in their purpose…
This makes every woman, single or married, capable of creating a sanctuary of her home worthy of hospitality and refuge.
Proverbs 14:1
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”
Shiny Lamps
Posted by: | CommentsThis verse in Matthew 25:1-13 has always bothered me.
“…The Kingdom of Heaven shall be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the Bridegroom. Now five were wise, and five were foolish. Those who were foolish took no oil with them, but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps…”
As I read this parable, I notice three things that trouble me…
All ten were virgins–All ten had lamps–all ten slumbered and slept.
It seems that appearances can… and will be deceiving to the church and to the world in these last days. There is nothing visible to distinguish between the five who are wise, and the five who are foolish.
But from God’s perspective, it is all about the presence of the oil!
Strong’s Concordance #1636-1637 tells us that this oil is the “fruit” of the olive.
There are two kinds of olive references in Scripture, wild olives, (or natural) and cultivated, (or spiritual.) This leads me to believe that this parable is all about the “fruit of the Spirit!”
Let’s look at this again…
All ten were virgins, or set apart to wed the Bridegroom.
All ten had shiny lamps to trim, or gifts and abilities that they used within their churches and communities. They were outwardly beautiful and capable of lighting the way…
And they all grew weary and tired of waiting. And they all fell asleep.
It is in this time of waiting where it seems that the wise are separated from the foolish. Five are wasting time…and five are somehow purchasing oil.
How are they purchasing the oil? How are they collecting this hidden essence that turns faith into substance?
I believe purchasing oil, is another way of saying being “fruitful” How can we translate that into understanding for our own lives?
Before we respond to that question, we need to define what the “fruit of the Spirit” is:
(Galatians 5:22) : Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control.
The challenge of this Truth is:
It is in the time of in-between (the promise of our redemption and the fulfillment of our salvation) where we are given opportunity to cultivate authentic fruitfulness in Christ. It is how we spend our time each day as we wait on the return of our Lord.
It is in our daily relationships and casual encounters where we choose to “buy” oil… or refuse the purchase price.
Yes…It squeezes us.
And Yes…It hurts.
But this is not a hard truth…this is a heart issue.
The price we must pay to buy the oil of genuine fruitfulness, is:
Obedience to God’s Word…
Self-sacrifice to our personal preference and pleasure…
And trust in God’s purpose and plan for our lives…
When Christ returns…
Will He find faith in the earth? Will He find genuine love, or patience or peace among His Beloved? What fruit will he find burning in the vessels He has given us to shine forth for Him?
Or will we be caught unaware in a moment we are not expecting…
Holding empty vessels…and Shiny lamps.
Lest we forget that on the Day that the Bridegroom appears…it is too late to buy oil.
Today, let us be like wise virgins…
Living, and loving well…and not just looking good!
Forgiving those who have trespassed us.
Feeding the hungry and tending to the poor.
Peacemakers and friends to the lowly of heart and the tender among us.
Let us spend everything we have …to gain an oil that will burn for eternity!
Amen!
What does it mean to be engaged?
Posted by: | CommentsWhat does it mean to be “engaged?” The dictionary says: “to occupy the attention or efforts of…to involve… to secure for aid, or employment, or hire…to attract and hold fast…to lease…to bind, or make pledge of promise, make liable…to betroth…to enter into conflict with…to cause gears to become interlocked with(as with a clutch)…entangle or involve…pledge one’s word, assume obligation…to cross weapons…
I am thinking that we have become a people who have “disengaged.”
We do not rely on one anther to keep our word, our pledges are fickle and self serving. We are not even under that liability of obligation ourselves when we speak a promise to someone else! Even our wedding vows seem to be less significant than the price of the ring…we attract, but do not hold fast. This should not be so.
As Christians, we are called the “Bride of Christ.” We are His betrothed. It is a privilege to know that God Himself has sworn an oath over us to redeem us as His promise of engagement. He has made Himself liable for our iniquity and assumed the obligation for our sin. He has gone to war over us..and will enter into conflict with us if it is necessary for our good. He is engaged.
What will it take for us to comprehend the magnitude of this promise? When we will learn to trust as well as to submit? Why do we resit the very thing that will save us?
When will we become a people who are engaged?
