It was a beautiful fall-like morning, the breeze slightly crisp, the dogs excitedly weaving in and out of my legs wanting to be fed and loved on at the same time. I put the coffee on and threw a few remaining dishes from the night before into the dishwasher and thanked God for the marvelous appliances that make life so much easier. Bet even more, was my gratitude for the gift of the love and life I have tended in this home.

These days, I like to start the day fresh and tidy. I wasn’t always like that. I use to live in a certain amount of chaos without too much care or thought about it at all. But I married a guy who needed an organized living space in order to function in peace…so I adapted! At first I struggled with all the housekeeping do’s and don’ts. I felt restricted and scrutinized. I wanted to please my husband, but with three small children, both of us working and with very little time or income between us, it seemed like a losing battle.

I didn’t really understand the point. My upbringing didn’t include a lot of housekeeping skills. I had learned to cook…that was about it. I wanted to be a good wife and mom, and somehow screaming at my kids for dragging out toys I had just put away seemed a little counterproductive. Yet, my husband really seemed to need me to get understanding in this for his own well-being.

It was about this time that I became a Christian and God put a little meaning into this madness; it is simply understanding the difference between purely, “Housekeeping,” and “Homemaking.” (Or the art of making a sanctuary within our home)

As I grew in my own understanding of who I was created to be in Christ, I began discerning the difference between simply cleaning up clutter, and providing an emotional and experiential environment that produced feelings of comfort and encouragement. I learned to create space for living that inspired life!  It did not require anything more than I already had to use…and the results were appreciated…if not right away, certainly within time. Our children, now grown, often remembering with fondness their family home and all that it meant to them.

I have been in many dwellings over the years that could have been in a magazine. (One actually was!) They are picture perfect. Not a dust-bunny in sight! Color coordinated and sparkling bright, you feel like you are in a showcase…and sometimes that is exactly what it is. Immaculate, but emasculated, not a manly impression to be found. Some of these poor husbands exist among the floral and fauna, only to escape periodically into the world of football, or whatever seems inviting as they channel-surf. Even worse, are the husbands who are removed from the house altogether to listen to a baseball game in the garage.

The children of these residences are seen in pristine photographs on the walls, but not felt within the rooms themselves. Life, it seems in these places is less lived, and more choreographed. The personality of each child seems hidden beneath accomplishments and activities; even these, only portrayed within the design of the internal landscape.

Although the women who keep these homes are the “Queens of Clean,” they may be completely unaware that their primary role is to be gatekeepers of the sanctuary of their dwelling; making their home a safe place to retreat from the warfare and weariness of the world outside. This is how she contends and cares for her precious family. In this realm, she is to be the guardian, using all that she is, and all that she has, to nurture her family and provide the atmosphere needed to grow individually as well as interpersonally. The confidence and inner well-being that is fostered in healthy families is more precious than gold.

This is mostly a problem of deflection and not entirely a deception. Clean is good. People are messy. We need to be skilled at keeping a clean and organized house, but not as a substitute for relational responsibility. If we only cultivate an immaculate and orderly garden, but do not take the time necessary to nurture the seeds sown there, what is the point? This kind of house could be “staged” to sell, but not lived in well.

This, my sisters, is the highest call of womanhood! This is not simply stating the role of being a wife and mother, though certainly this is a part of who we are. But even deeper still, built into our intrinsic identity, is the creative beauty no HGTV home design show can match! We are uniquely wired for relational remodeling and restoration projects! We are often the only true connection and association between those we know in our sphere of influence. When our bond with others expresses the extension of our God given beauty, we create an environment of hospitality wherever we are. Our own homes should be the basket where the best of our “fruits” are sampled.

We, as women, have an interesting privilege. Yet so many of us have willingly abdicated our position in search of other fulfillments. So we busily attach check marks to tasks and chores at home, in order to hurry up and get into the “real” world where we hope to finally be valued, recognized and appreciated. Our calendars reflect our busy lifestyles, but the contentment with all we do is desperately lacking.

It has taken me many trials and failures to realize the only thing worthy in this world are the precious souls that dwell here. How gracious (or risky) is God who gives us husbands and children on which to practice love and mercy upon! Our response to the gift of our families should be to learn the science of housekeeping only as it benefits the art of homemaking. We do this in hope; in order that through our sometimes sacrificial offering, we may provide a home that is welcoming and inviting… A safe place toinfluence loving and healthy relationships.

Over the course of twenty five years of married life, I have learned that without my husbands’ need for order, I would never have ventured into the realm of homemaking. I would have strived for whatever the worldview told me was valuable. God has used the diversity within each member of our family to teach us all relational skills of conflict and resolution. Without the chaos and clutter of having children, I would never have known the joys of becoming a “Relational Architect” designing…and often re-designing the portrait of a family.

Being a Homemaker is more than being a wife. It is more than being a mother. It is the mantle worn by all godly women who know their position and who walk in their purpose…

This makes every woman, single or married, capable of creating a sanctuary of her home worthy of hospitality and refuge.

Proverbs 14:1

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”